Those without love

Getting What We Deserve

It is always a terrible thing to come back to Mott Street [where she lived]. To come back in a driving rain to men crouched on the stairs, huddled in doorways, without overcoats because they sold their overcoats—perhaps the week before when it was warm, to satisfy their hunger or thirst, who knows. Those without love would say, ‘It serves them right, drinking up their clothes, selling their clothes to buy booze, it serves them right.’ But God help us if we got what we deserve!

Dorothy Day
Source: The Catholic Worker (1985)

Walter, again

Last night, as I'm sitting by the fire reading a mindless spy novel about the Middle East, Walter appears at my door.  You may remember Walter from previous posts. 

To make a longer story short, let me just say Walter has been a case!

But that makes this evening's encounter all the better. 

Walter knocks on my door and reports, when I open it to him, that he has a car, a job and five years sober.  I expect he is telling me the truth as the car is sitting in my driveway! And, as I checked my last note on this page about him, sure enough I realize he had been clean and sober for 5 years!

He also carries $200 in his pocket. 

What he needs from me is a solid referral to the CitySquare Thrift Store so that his funds can go as far as possible in his current effort to furnish his apartment.  Something about bed bugs destroying his most recent attempt at that process! 

He looked so good. 

Bright eyes.

Clean, neat clothes.

Good, solid shoes. 

He was understandably proud of his progress.

He thanked me and I pushed back against that, remembering how tough I had been on him in the past.

But, seeing him was a victory. 

What we are doing here is important. 

Living in the neighborhood where he can find me is essential. 

Nice New Year's day encounter.

Patrick

What follows is an email exchange between Janet Morrison, Director of the Community Life Team at CityWalk and one of our residents whom we'll call "Patrick."  The honesty and the struggle are very clear.  The difficulty of recovery and the opportunity to achieve it continue on display every day here inside the housing community offered at 511 N. Akard Street in Downtown Dallas. 

After all that has gone on at CitySquare, emails like the one I'm about to share with you are awesome to receive. Patrick is a CityWalk resident who moved in a few months ago. When I did his initial Outcomes Star, I had a feeling he would have some challenges. I had asked George to try to work closely with him.

Patrick first agreed to meet with George, then started sending angry emails to me saying it was wrong that we force him to meet. He said he knew he had struggled in the past but he had his life under control and didn't need someone telling him what to do. He demanded to meet with Dallas Housing Authority (DHA) staff and myself. I went ahead and tried to set that up with DHA.

While that was happening, I saw him on the elevator. He, evidently, didn't remember who I was and was asking others in the elevator if they had to meet with this "Community Life team," to which one of the residents smiled and eagerly said, "Yes! I do...and she (pointing at me) is the one who met with me!"

Patrick asked who I was. When I told him, he put the name with the person he had been emailing and looked a little surprised, then got off the elevator. I talked to George and I imagine he talked with Patrick again.

I got this email about a week later:

Janet,

I have decided to cancel the meeting with you and DHA. I will meet with George on 1/18/12 to discuss my goals. Sorry about all the confusion I have created. What you are witnessing is my self-destruct mode that I resort to and for what reason I don't know. I guess I feel that I can always live on the streets when something isn't going the way I think it should. I've learned how to make it on the streets and have a tendency to resort back to those ways. Is this insanity or what? I need to accept success and change my homeless ways of thinking.

Also, when I allow someone to counsel me or talk to me about my goals, is like saying I don't know how to manage my own life. I do know how to manage my own life. I grant you that in the past I haven't done a very good job of it, but that has been because I didn't care to manage my own life, I just wanted to continue with my addiction. I must learn to humble myself and allow someone else into my life. Am I making any sense with all this? Do you understand what I am relating to you?

Again, cancel the meeting and I will meet with George on the date I mentioned above. My sincere apologies to you and George.

Patrick

I periodically see Patrick on the elevator and ask how he is doing. He periodically responds to different opportunities I send out via email. Here is the latest:

Hello Janet,

During my time of addiction and homelessness, I was never truly a happy person. Help came in many forms and fashions. Most of them I cared nothing about. Today, I have the best help I could ever ask for in my arrangement with CityWalk. It is what I looked for for a long time. I found out about CityWalk from a Lady at The Heights Church in Richardson. I admit though that what works for me might not be right for the next person. Since I have been at CityWalk I have accomplished some things, but could have done more. That's my fault. Did you know that attempting to bring an addict or homeless person into recovery or such is almost like trying to cage a wild tiger in alot of cases. The tiger is "stuck" (Outcome Star: User Guide) and wants to scratch anybody that comes close. In a way I still fit this model. I'm working on becoming more of a civilized tiger though! I know what's going on in the mind of an addict and/or a homeless person since I can very much relate. In some instances when I come in contact with an addict or homeless person I see the way I have been and actually don't like what I see in that person. I want to see in me and that person what God ordained before the foundation of the world in that person and myself. This requires relinquishing (surrender) control of myself and giving it to God. This can be scary since I have always wanted to be in control. It's kind of like losing me. But, I know that is best to lose the old self and give God a chance.

Regarding the Action Plan, I am making progress. I have a plan for getting a job, but I have to do this in the right order so as not to compromise what I now have. I have started attending Celebrate Recovery and have a plan for the senior center. If you have a prayer list, please put me on there. I thank God for bringing you, George and CityWalk into my life. Thanks for your friendship and the same to George!!

It helps me just to talk with you via email, so hope you don't mind me rambling on about all this stuff.

See you in the elevator!  LOL

Blessings,

Patrick

These are the things that help me know that the struggles and frustrations have an end result. Our job is a roller coaster. We may run into something else with Patrick tomorrow that takes us back a couple of steps...but receiving emails like these every once in a while help us know we are making progress and moving forward.

Lies and truth, two guys on a sidewalk

We had met about 6 months ago on the sidewalk outside the downtown YMCA. 

He approached me on that occasion with a fist full of papers, including an unused bus ticket to El Paso.  He told me he had just been released from the hospital, but had missed his bus.  He would need a small amount of cash to reschedule his trip on the same ticket.  I provided him what he said it would take to use the ticket.

About a month later I encountered him again at the same spot on the sidewalk.  He held in his hand the same documents.  He told me the same story, complete with tears and desperation. 

When I told him that he needed a new "play," he looked at me with bewilderment.  I reminded him that he had used the ploy on me already.  I chided him a bit by suggesting that at least he take  his game to a new street corner.  That last encounter sent him away up the sidewalk. 

Only two or three weeks later, I observed him running his scam on some other person at the same spot. 

Last Tuesday evening as I left the YMCA to head home with a growing case of the flu, he appeared again. 

This time he was limping. 

He had a stack of paperwork indicating that he had been bitten by a dog and had received treatment at a local hospital. 

At first I was very unwelcoming. 

"Don't game me, man," I told him without hesitation in a self-righteous tone.  "We've had this conversation now three times," I reminded him. 

I explained to him that I could hear anything, but I wouldn't stand still for some concocted story. 

He showed me his leg.  He made me read the papers.  Clearly both his condition and his dismissal papers were legit. 

He also shared with me that he had applied to live "in the building across the street," CityWalk, our downtown housing  development.  He was on our waiting list to get an apartment.

His request was simple:  he needed $7.00 to spend the night in a local, downtown area shelter. 

I handed him a $10 bill.

He continued to cry.

Then, he grabbed my arm, looked me in the eye and said, "I need to tell you something, sir."

"Okay," I replied.

He struggled to get the words out.  After several minutes of effort to battle past his embarrassment and shame, he chocked out his confession, "Sir, the reason I do this, the reason I lied to you before, is, well, I have a terrible heroine addiction.  I'm hooked bad and I can't find no treatment." 

He told me of his attempts to escape the hell his life had become.  He cried.  I tried to reassure him that we would try to help him in as many ways as we could.

As we parted, he on the way to the nearby night shelter that has sadly become the permanent housing for far too many, me to the safety of my home to fight off the impending flu, I thought about how different our lives were and how much the same.  Our needs were fundamentally the same.  Our opportunities and assets quite different. 

He lied to me on the sidewalk. 

He told me the truth on the same sidewalk square.

I expect we'll meet again.  The story is not finished.

History: Housing Visions

Back in 1998, I wrote a little "white paper" mainly for my own benefit. My purpose at the time was to organize my thoughts about how Central Dallas Ministries might actually become involved in serious, on-the-ground neighborhood and community redevelopment. Once I'd completed the first draft, I kept working on it over the next year or so. I filed a copy and I circulated several copies among a few board members and staff.

At some point after 1999, when he joined us to found CDM's public interest law firm, John Greenan read the paper. Over the following two years or so, John began trying to figure out how to begin to bring some reality to the ideas I had sketched out and refined over the months.

Thanks to John's persistence and leadership, we organized the Central Dallas Community Development Corporation.

John doesn't practice much courtroom law these days--I think he still has one open case. As the Executive Director of our growing CDC, John is using is skills to create new and high-quality places for inner city folks to live and shop. At present the Central Dallas CDC has four major projects about ready for construction.

I came across a copy of my little vision paper not long ago. So, I thought I would post it here just for fun. Its title is "Hope Street."

As I read over it again, it is clear that much has changed and much has been accomplished. We speak a slightly different language these days, as we've learned how best to work with the larger community. We still hold to the neighborhood nature of our beginning vision. We've just tucked it away for the time being as we have begun with multi-family developments and permanent, supportive housing for the poorest among us. The values remain the same.
_______________________

Case Statement: A Vision for the Development of a Comprehensive, Neighborhood-Based Christian Community

The Vision

Central Dallas Ministries proposes to develop a comprehensive, neighborhood-based Christian community that will deliver a stable, on-going continuum of care, opportunity and growth for each resident. The development of decent, affordable housing within a targeted, multi-block area in south Dallas will be the central focus of the initiative.

The housing stock will include:

1) highly-programmed “safe” housing for members of the community who recognize their need for a special, life-stabilizing environment in order to overcome unique and difficult personal problems, such as addiction,

2) clean, safe and affordable multi-family housing for lease,

3) clean, safe, affordable multi-family housing for lease, lease-to-purchase or sale

4) clean, safe, affordable single-family housing for lease or lease-to-purchase and

5) clean, safe, affordable single-family housing for sale.

The on-going spiritual growth and health of the community will be achieved through the development of a network of house-based cell groups. These small groups, interlaced throughout the neighborhood, will meet weekly for Bible study, prayer, and intentional training in leadership development, Christian community building and preparation for home ownership.

Residents will be instrumental in expanding the work and influence of the Central Dallas Church.

The Desire Observed

Since 1994, Central Dallas Ministries has encountered over 100,000 men, women and children in outreach and emergency relief efforts associated with its Food Pantry. In addition, close friendships have been developed with hundreds of volunteers who live in the community targeted for service.

The growing life of the Central Dallas Church provides an even more intimate context for becoming acquainted and for developing in-depth relationships. After listening to thousands of stories both in interviews and in the normal day-to-day conversations with friends, these almost universally expressed desires have surfaced:

1) Neighbors who come seeking assistance and many volunteers who join our team to help in restoring a sense of community to our inner city neighborhood express a desire to escape the clutches of various addictions and compulsive behaviors. Many volunteers spend most of the day working in the Food Pantry because the environment provides the safety they need to maintain sobriety. The challenges always come at night and on weekends when they are forced to return to apartments, rooming houses, the borrowed couches of “friends,” housing projects, or in some cases the streets. Cut off from the supportive, therapeutic environment of the Food Pantry, these persons often lapse and return to the addictive behavior they desperately seek to leave behind. Isolation from the supportive community and the loneliness of nights and weekends often proves more than many recovering addicts can manage.

2) Many of our neighbors encountered first in the Food Pantry and/or in the Church also express the desire for obtaining better housing for themselves and their families. By “better” most mean affordable, clean, well-maintained, drug free and safe. Most of the people we meet are forced to use too large a percentage of their monthly income for housing. Most pay exorbitant rental fees for substandard housing. Most express fears about personal safety and the availability of drugs in close proximity to where they live. Many report the need for repairs that go unattended. Further, when asked about their dreams and personal goals, most include an opportunity to own a home of their own.

3) Many of our neighbors, volunteers and fellow church members tell us of their desire to grow as persons who contribute to the betterment of our community. Other more specific desires that are often expressed include

a) improved overall health and well-being,

b) continuing education for the development of new more marketable skill sets,

c) finding opportunities for business ownership,

d) personal emotional growth and enhanced interpersonal skills and

e) personal spiritual development.

Strategy for Further Development and Pursuit of the Plan

Central Dallas Ministries/Central Dallas Church seeks to identify and move to capture a five-block area in a south Dallas neighborhood to be determined on the basis of cost, availability, existence of and condition/type of present housing stock, need for community renewal and in answer to prayer.

In order to develop and pursue our plan we continue to take or will begin taking the following steps together:

1) We will continue to commit our vision, expressed desires and overall plan to God in prayer.

2) We will identify a “task force” from our community to begin work on the next steps necessary to complete our plan.

3) We will present the outline of the plan to the Central Dallas Church in public messages and to the Central Dallas Ministries Board of Directors in scheduled and called meetings.

4) We will develop a plan for identifying and preparing participants for involvement in the planned community.

5) We will continue to identify and consult with partners inside and outside the community including business and corporate leaders, financial institutions, government officials and agencies (city, state and federal), other non-profit organizations and churches.

6) We will develop a strategy for dividing the work ahead of us into manageable “bites” for assignment to those persons/groups possessing the necessary expertise to accomplish their part of realizing our vision, including:

a) a financial plan for the project,

b) a land procurement process,

c) building construction/rehab,

d) financing for condo/home ownership,

e) project management,

f) “safe” house program and management development,

g) new staff development,

h) home owners training/preparation services,

i) cell group development from Central Dallas Church,

j) others to be identified as we move forward.

7) We will develop a clear plan for “entry” into the target neighborhood.

A Call to Commitment and Renewal

We believe in the God-given capacities of people.

We know by faith and by experience that the people of the community God has been gathering around the Central Dallas Church and Central Dallas Ministries represent our most important asset in the realization of our vision.

We know God has called us join him in his work of restoring hope in the heart of our city.

We know that given opportunity and freedom to act upon opportunity, the people of our community can achieve great things together.

As God called Nehemiah to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem, so we hear the clear call of God upon our lives to begin to live and act as those who rebuild the ruined places of Dallas.

Through the words of one of God’s ancient prophets we hear the call to be known as “restorers of streets with dwellings” (Isaiah 58:12).

Prison

Are you ready for this?

By 2011 the U. S. will have more than 1.7 million men and women in prison.

The cost to taxpayers will be $27.5 billion more than what is currently spent to operate the nation’s prisons.

Unless something changes, by 2011 one out of every 178 U. S. residents will be incarcerated.

Some states anticipate seeing their prison populations grow by 25% to 33%. This growth is due to stricter mandatory minimum sentencing regulations, reductions in parole rates and high recidivism.

Over the next five years, inmates will cost an additional $15 billion. Construction costs will add $12.5 billion.

Many states are questioning whether or not prisons offer the wisest use of limited public funds when they look at return on investment.

Good move, I’d say!

Far too many men and women are sent to prison in the U. S. and in Texas. Many who end up behind bars would make more progress in treatment centers where they could be guided and assisted in overcoming the addictions nesting behind their unlawful behavior.

Poor people go to prison more frequently than those who can afford the best counsel.

There are better ways to deal with the misbehavior of large numbers of people who land in prison every year than the current still popular “lock ‘em up and through away the key” approach.

One consequence (I hope "unintended," but at times I have to wonder) of our current policy is the systematic "harvesting" of male leadership from inner city neighborhoods. The resulting social impact on families and their traditions and expectations is devastating.

We need better results. Our communities deserve better and so do many inmates.

[For more details see “Public Safety, Public Spending: Forecasting America’s Prison Population 2007-2011,” Pew Charitable Trusts]