Friday, March 17, 2006
Time to come real, way clean here.
I am materialistic.
I love stuff.
If I had more money, it would be worse with me than it is.
I struggle with things. I enjoy nice, high-quality things.
I catch myself going to Barnes and Noble to browse and buy books. Cool enough, right?
Yes, but I find myself being "medicated" by my purchases at times.
Stuff and consuming stuff equals escape and relief.
I have to face the fact that I do what I do professionally, at least in part, in an attempt to control my addiction to things.
I like to consume stuff that is sort of weird really.
I mean, I really enjoy fountain pens--nice ones!
I can get into clothes too. I've been known to buy a house faster than a new necktie! Go figure!
I love model cars--diecast replicas of one of my personal passions--the automobile, either cars or trucks.
I love speed--not the drug, but the "behind the wheel" kind.
I'm a NASCAR, Indy Racing League grand dad!
If I had my way, I'd go out today and buy a new Corvette. Have you seen the Z06 models?
I own a 1953, fully restored Chevrolet 1500, five-window pickup (see photo above).
My truck is a rebuilt street rod with a 327 Chevy V-8 attached to a 350 Chevy rear end. The little red machine can move out! I have restored the interior with pleat and roll everywhere.
I enjoy my truck.
Trying to figure out my addiction to some of these things is a bit maddening. I'm sure it goes back to my Mayberry childhood. I don't know.
All I am saying here is I know the dimensions of my struggle. I am trying to battle through it because I know that I don't really need anything.
Lots of people I know need many things--much more basic in nature than most of my consumption concerns.
Part of my struggle is about guilt--classic, white, middleclass shame in face of what I know about my city, my nation and the world. I am repelled by that.
At the same time, I know part of it is "right on" as I try to really listen to my heart.
Part of it is a natural, God-given appreciation for beauty and craft and fineness.
I am trying to walk the tightrope. Sometimes I go into free fall until I find the net and I start all over.
How about you?
Can you relate?